Cliche, I'll wait another day...

Intermission

2007-09-28T04:38:00.000+08:00

Give me a moment... I just can't write...

Chapter 10: A Day She Stopped Caring

2007-09-21T00:22:00.000+08:00

Awkwardness Nabbing Normal Expectations

uy may chismis

totoo ba yan?

di ako sure. pero chismis lang to ha...

di ba nag-away si ** at si ***?

oo, bakit?

tapos nalasing si ***... lam mo ba sobrang kawawa si ** sa mga sinasabi niya nung lasing siya

ano ung mga sinasabi?

di ko talaga alam kung ano e. pero grabe, ang laki ng galit niya.

ano kaya ginawa ni ** para magalit si *** ng ganun?

di ko alam. basta sobrang nalasing si *** nung time na yun. siguro frustrated at inis na inis lang, linabas lang niya lahat ng galit niya kay **. kulit din naman kasi ni ** e.

nag-uusap na ba sila ngayon?

di pa nga e. sabi ni ** halos sampung araw na rin silang di nag-uusap.

talaga? kaya pala ganun si ** ngayon. parang ang distant, ano ba naman yan. get a life

oo nga e. di ko rin alam kung sino talaga mali e.

alam ba ni ** ung mga pinagsasabi ni ***?

hindi ata. kung malaman niya un, ano kaya gagawin niya?

kung ako siya, di ko na kakausapin si ***... isipin mo ganunin ka sa harap ng mga taong di ka naman kilala. e di sira na siya sigurado sa friends ni ***

oo nga e. pero in fairness kay ***, at least she was honest. sana lang di malaman ni **. sayang din naman kasi sila e. pansin mo ba na sobrang inspired si ** pag kausap niya si ***

sino bang di nakakahalata nun. sobrang iba talaga siya these past few days. halatang problemado.

si *** ba? may pinagbago?

wala...

sakit naman nun para kay **

pabayaan na lang natin, di naman tayo talaga kasama sa usapang yan e...

This happened inside his mind...

Chapter 9: 10 Days of Silence

2007-09-21T00:08:00.000+08:00

Awkwardness Nabbing Normal Expectations

This was pathetic. It's been almost 10 days and there was nothing... Nothing from her...

Wala naman akong ginawang masama di ba? Ako pa nga ung nagsosorry e... Baka nga may nagawa akong masama? Sinungaling? Di ko siya rinespeto? Ewan ko...

The days passed and I am here in the ruins. Is this it? Was it over? Nothing left... But I can't move on. I don't want to move on... A friend told me that maybe I was having fun at doing this. That I am enjoying this... Do I look like I'm enjoying it? Ouch, that hurts.

Halos 10 araw nang ganito, parang kahapon lang lahat ng nangyari. Masama ba magbigay ng bulaklak? mukhang oo e... Masama bang gumawa ng tula? mukhang oo e... Masama bang gumawa ng regalo? mukhang oo e... Ayan tuloy... takot na ako... Takot na ako sa'yo...

This is just retarded and pathetic... Bahala na... After 10 days wala pa rin... Uwi na akong laguna...

Then came a message from her... "Kamusta ka na?"

Chapter 8: A new month, A new story

2007-09-20T23:50:00.000+08:00

Awkwardness Nabbing Normal Expectations

Mike planned this for a month but here he is clueless. Tomorrow will be a new month, tomorrow he will dare to do something. He knows nothing good is going to come out of this. But he also knows that he isn't doing anything wrong, in his opinion that is.

Jen has no idea. Well, she actually has but she thinks it's over. What happened last week should be enough. No more drama she thinks.

His friend is excited. She has an idea of what he is planning for her. She also hopes for the best for him. It was all too romantic, too sweet. She couldn't see why it wouldn't work. But she didn't look at the situation from both sides of the equations. She will be there for him. She just hopes for the best.

Mike is just nervous. He knows the real situation, he just doesn't want to accept it. He thinks he is telling everything to his friend without bias. Not sure of why he didn't see what was coming. He was wrong, he was not even close.

On the first workday of the month, Jen saw something in her desk... There was no name on it... It was obvious from whom it came from... Anger filled her thoughts... Frustration... She thought this was over... This was done... She was pissed... really pissed...

Mike got a message... This was what he expected... But it was more than what he expected... It was worse... a lot worse... The silence was deafening... "Shit," he thought.

Mike's friend found out he was devastated. Actually, she didn't find it out from him, it was just obvious. Mike wasn't himself, he had no enthusiasm in his actions, work was affected. She wanted to comfort him but he just wants to be alone.

Jen is there... frustrated, angry, pissed... Until how long, she doesn't know. But for now, she is frustrated, angry, pissed...

Mike was stunned. Nothing to say. He can't even talk right. He can't even think right. He is just stunned...

And the month started like that... She was pissed, he was stunned...

Chapter 7: After 5 years (part 4)

2007-09-05T02:09:00.001+08:00

Awkwardness Nabbing Normal Expectations

Ouch... That message almost killed him... But he's used to it. It's not the first and he knows it won't be the last. He's just bad at this.

His thinking is way off right now. He thinks he'd done everything. Maybe he did it too much. He doesn't know. People don't know.

How many times have he been in this situation, he doesn't really know. It's more than he accepts it but again he's here. Damn that hurts him. But he just doesn't learn.

Reading his mind, he still doesn't want to accept it. Actually, he never expected anything. It was a spur of a moment thing. He was honest. It is really what he feels.

Exactly 5 years ago, this happened to another person. But she got a better reaction... She actually expected the reaction. She told him how she feels and how she reciprocates his feelings for her. That relationship lasted a little more than a year. And she doesn't know that she would be the only person to reciprocate that feeling he has in 5 or more years...

And here he is, devastated once more. But in his mind, it's not over. It's just the beginning. The beginning of what? He doesn't exactly know...

Chapter 6: After 5 years (part 3)

2007-09-04T23:59:00.000+08:00

Making Emotions Linger In Some Solitary Area
Awkwardness Nabbing Normal Expectations

"Bakit ganun, despite knowing how I feel, anjan ka pa rin sweet and thoughtful?"

That was the text I sent to him. I find it really weird how he can still be that guy even if he knows I don't like him. Even if I explicitly tell it to him, he's still there.

Sure he's a nice guy, but I just don't see him as The Guy. He's a great friend, he's nice to talk to but it's not just like that.

Then my phone rang...

"Hello?"

He's saying strange things. Why is he nervous? Oh no. Is this it again. Drama again from him. I'm tired of this. How many times do I have to say it for him to understand.

"Mahal kita"

SHET. That freaked me out. It's been only a couple of months since I've known this guy. It's only been a couple of months since he've known me, can he possibly love me already? Am I doing something wrong? Wasn't I clear?

"Sa text na lang ako reply."

At least I'll have time to think before I reject him for the nth time. This guy doesn't learn. Hmm...

"Haven't we talked about this before, As I've told you, I can only offer my friendship to you. Nothing more."

That text was harsh enough and gentle enough. I hope he gets it this time... I'm tired of all this drama...

Chapter 5: After 5 years (part 2)

2007-08-29T00:16:00.000+08:00

Making Emotions Linger In Some Solitary Area

He is just there, sitting, waiting. It may seem that he's trying to be as busy as he can, it's obvious that something is wrong. He isn't smiling as usual, he isn't as happy as how he used to be, he's just there sitting, waiting.

His wait is in vain. Pride is against him. A pride he can never defeat. This is a losing battle for him. He knows it but that doesn't stop him from sitting and waiting.

As the sun sets and the afternoon is replaced by the darkness of the night, he is still there sittiing and waiting.

And then he stood up. He tries to smile, he tries to show everyone how happy he is but it is just obvious on what he feels. He just wants to sit and wait.

He goes to his friend, and just stays there. Not saying a word, just there, sitting and waiting.

"Bakit ganun?"

He gets an answer but deep inside he knows that whatever answer he receives, it won't be sufficient to explain everything he is feeling. He's there, listening to his friend but still he is sitting and waiting.

Advice and advice was told, he still feels sad. He knows that it was just a little thing. But how it became to this, he doesn't know. He misses her. Why? It's just been a day. He's tired of sitting and waiting.

He goes home... upon reaching it, he grabs his cellular phone. He tries to compose a message. Words escaped him. He doesn't know what to say. He is just plain sad.

He tries again, nothing... another try, still nothing.

After an hour of thinking, he comes up with a message. A short message...

He sends it to her, hoping to get a reply...

Reading the message he sent, he realizes how pathetic that those words are the only words he came up with but he meant every word of it. It read "I'm sorry..."

And then the reply came...

Chapter 4: After 5 years (part 1)

2007-08-23T02:03:00.000+08:00

Making Emotions Linger In Some Solitary Area

Ano ba ang galit mo sa akin. Ano nga ba pinag-awayan natin nun? Ewan ko nga e pero ayun, nag-away tayo kahapon. Ngayon nakatitig ako sa monitor ko. Walang nangyayari. Ilang oras na rin akong tulala. Di ko nga alam kung sino nagalit e. Grabe, apektado ako.

"Pizza po sa taas!"

Uy, may libreng pagkain sa taas. Kaarawan pala ng isa kong kaibigan. Ayan, makapagpahinga muna. Baka sakaling pagbalik ko may mangyaring bago. ASA.

"Dalhan mo naman si Jen ng pizza," sabi ng aking kaibigan.

"Ako? Bakit ako?" sagot ko sa kanya.

"Ikaw nagpaalala sa akin na kasama pala siya dapat. Nalimutan kong sabihan e."

"Sige na nga. Di kaya kami nag-uusap ngayon."

"Tapos? Ok lang yan, bigay mo lang naman e. Sabihin mo na rin na galing sa akin."

"Hay. Asan? Baba na ako."

Grabe, bakit ako kinakabahan. Bibigyan ka lang naman ng pagkain e. Hindi naman ito galing sa akin. Pero naku, nakatingin lahat ng tao. Nakakahiya. Bakit naman kasi tayo nag-away e. Ako ba may kasalanan? Ako ata e. Hay, lagi na lang talo...

"Galing kay mommy..." Eto na naman ang aking signature walk away... Pagbalik ko sa aking pwesto ayun, may salamat galing sa'yo. Di naman ako nagbigay e. Pinabigay lang.

Chapter 3: Graduation

2007-08-22T02:25:00.000+08:00

Making Emotions Linger In Some Solitary Area

Today is my mother's graduation. She's not a student, she's a teacher. But every year I know she looks forward to this day, seeing her students become grown men and women and face life, whether in college or in their work. She always smile on this day...

Today is also my older sisters' birthdays, They're twins, identical twins. People always see them as alike but we, my family and I, can distinguish them even from afar. I think I'm too used to seeing them and their different personalities which is why I can easily distinguish them...

Today is also my big brother's last day as a college student. Finally, all of my parent's children are now college graduate with decent degrees. I know they are proud of us. And I'm proud of them bearing all the sacrifices so that we, their legacies, would be able to face the future with a chance...

Today... what is special today... It's not because of those events I just mentioned. Today is special for me because I will give the last of the set to her today. She doesn't know this yet. I don't even know if I can do it yet...

There are five in the set. every one was given in a same but different manner. Her name was written on a post-it by different people. The first was done by my mentor, the second by my friend, the third by my team leader, and the fourth was not signed but given to her by her team leader... Yeah, pathetic... Well, it's hard to think of stuff when you are confined in this place called work...

I am not the usual sweet guy. I am not usual actually. People know about this. She knows about it. It doesn't matter. I love my uniqueness. But this was all I am. Just a "sweet thoughtful friend." I really don't care. I honestly have no expectations. I just hope it lasts.

I've changed a lot over the years. I changed for the better especially about this. I was the guy who gives up easily. Ask my college buddies, how many was it? four straight in a row I gave up without even trying? I don't remember really. But this was different. I was different. Giving up is there in my mind. But I haven't even started. I was just a sweet thoughtful friend...

I want to give this now, next month would be special. This is the last of the set...

Nothing special for you though. You're used to it already. It might still be awkward. But still I know this isn't the first time this happened for you.

Why do I always choose the impossible... I don't know...

This is the last of the set... the last of the sweet thoughtful friend things...

I hope you see it as that...

"Di ba sabi ko kukumpletuhin ko?" then I walked away... knowing when I get back to my station there would be something waiting for me. A rant probably...

Chapter 2: Friendly Advice

2007-08-15T02:00:00.000+08:00

Making Emotions Linger In Some Solitary Area

"Wag muna ngayon, kelangan namin siya para mag-isip," sabi ko kay Jen.

"Masakit sa ulo e. Di ko alam kung ano ba talaga meron sa kanya. Ang kulit..." yan ang sagot ni Jen sa akin.

Mahirap ang maipit sa gitna. Siyempre kampi ako sa kaibigan ko. Kaso etong si Mike hindi ko rin mawari kung ano ang problema e. Sabi niya wala naman daw siyang balak. Sabi niya "no expectations" naman daw. Pwede ba yun? Imposible kasi ang ganun. Paano nga ba nagsimula ang lahat ng ito.

Nung umamin sa akin tong si Mike na may gusto siya sa bestfriend ko, natawa na lang ako. Pero sa loob loob ko alam ko kung ano ang nasa isip ng aking kaibigan. Sinabi ko naman to kay Mike pero ayun di pa rin nakinig. Sabi niya wala lang naman daw. Sabi niya handa na siya sa mga desisyon niya. Kaso oo nga, malabo pa nga rin siya hanggang ngayon.

Nung binigyan niya ng bulaklak si Jen nung araw ng mga puso, natuwa naman ako para sa aking kaibigan. Alam ko kasing gusto naman niya yun pero hindi naging ganun ang kalabasan. Mabait kung sa mabait itong si Mike, masarap kausap. Pero para kay Jen hanggang ganun lang siya, isang kausap, isang kaibigan lang din.

Kanina nag-iwan ng chocolates si Mike kay Jen. At eto, napasok na ako sa gitna. Si Mike kasi panay ang tanong sa akin, si Jen panay ang hingi sa akin ng advice. Ang hirap ng nasa gitna ng sitwasyong ito. Minsan kelangan kong diretsuhin si Mike pero hindi pa rin natatauhan. Hindi ko rin naman kasi alam kung paano mag-usap tong dalawang ito. Pag nagkatuluyan talaga tong dalawang to, tatawa na lang ako...

Isa pang bagay kaya mahirap ang sitwasyon namin ngayon ay dahil lahat kami ay nagtratrabaho sa isang kompanya. Araw-araw magkikita kami, araw-araw magtatanong sa akin tong si Mike. Minsan nakakainis na talaga na ang kulit niya.

Bahala na, papabayaan ko na lang sila, meron din akong sariling problema. Malapit na rin naman ako umalis dito. Sigurado naman babalitaan ako ni Jen sa mga mangyayari. Bahala na siya kay Mike. Wala na akong paki. Mahirap ang maipit sa gitna. Hindi ko naman hiningi ito nung naging kaibigan ko sila pareho...

Chapter 1: Day 1

2007-08-14T04:54:00.000+08:00

Making Emotions Linger In Some Solitary Area

Everyday is like this. It's been a year that I've been living like this. Waking up, getting ready, riding a taxi to work. No change. I know that I should save up for something important. I know I should save up for my future. But right now, I just don't want to. Wait, there's a taxi...

"Ortigas, Edsa na po tayo daan."

There she is again. I'll never forget that billboard in EDSA. Starting from the day I noticed that the model looks like you from afar, I never missed looking at that billboard. A good way to start my day, I always thought.

"Kaliwa po tayo diyan."

It's been months since I got to talk to you. It started with a simple hi, and a stunned hello. Who said which I don't remember. But at that moment, you got my attention. At first I only saw you as the girl from my office. I never thought that you would one day become my inspiration. About a month after that fateful exchange of greetings, we got to work together. Since we never did talk before, it was like meeting each other for the first time all over again. They always say that first impressions last. Well, my impression of you lasted...

"Baka traffic po diyan, dun na lang po tayo daan sa kabila."

Deciding to work here was my best decision since I graduated. My first job was fulfilling but it didn't pay enough. My second job was out of desperation. Now. here in my third job, in the field I always were inclined to, I am enjoying it. It was boring at first. I never made new friends. I always eat lunch alone. Go home alone and just spend the nights alone. Gimiks were limited. That was then. Now I got to know a lot more people. It was better. Now I am not just loving my work and I am loving the working environment.

"Pasok po tayo diyan"

Love. Such a strong word. It was the last thing on my mind. I know I am not ready for it. The last time I loved, I got to my knees, banged on the head, shot in the heart and got my guts ripped out of me, metaphorically, that is... The trauma was enough to keep me looking far away from that feeling. But that was almost a year ago. How long would it take for me to be not afraid.

"May barya po kayo sa 500? Wala po? Pwedeng 100 na lang... Salamat."

As I walk inside the building, I know today would be different. I did plan this two weeks ago but I never thought the day would actually come. Yesterday I told myself that whatever happens, it was something I wanted to risk. Everything was set in motion. Everything was planned (except for tiny details). Thanks to a friend, I found the confidence to do this once more. And then I saw you... It's early. Oh shit, plan A gone, going to plan B... Wait there is no plan B. uhm, uhm... You saw me, you're going to talk to me. Damn, I didn't plan this...

"Good morning."
"Good morning, aga natin ngayon ah"
"Oo nga e, Valentines e. Happy Valentines"
"Happy Valentines din..."

The elevator opened. we got in. Silence... Ok, there is no backing out... It is not even an option...

Prologue

2007-08-14T01:18:00.000+08:00

Making Emotions Linger In Some Solitary Area

In the dark room, he stares into the wall... a blue wall...

He is sitting in a monobloc chair. looking intently, not even blinking. "It's just a damn wall, but why am i looking at it as if it will do something?"

The room had no light. Pure darkness covered him. What's weird is that even though without the light, he knows it's a blue wall he's looking into. Sweat starts pouring all over his body. Not even sure why, he tries to stand up but he just can't. He is hypnotized by the wall... a simple blue wall...

He tries to stand up. He's stuck. He can't move a muscle. It seems like he was doomed to be in this position forever. But he is not afraid. He is at peace. Thinking more about it, he is happy. It was not eternal happiness he felt but momentary happiness. A momentary happiness he is willing to feel in exchange for losing himself.

A light starts to shine in the corner of his eye. He didn't want to look in the light's direction, he was happy with where he was. But the light shined brighter, he felt that it was the end of his freedom. He tries to look away, but the light was still there. He then glares at the blue wall hoping it would do something to stop the light. But it didn't. It was just a blue wall, nothing more.

The light showed what was in the room. That scared him, because other than the blue wall, there was nothing else. There were no windows, there were no doors, there was nothing. It was him, the chair and a blue wall. The other walls didn't matter...

The light consumed him.... then suddenly... he woke up...

Scrambling, he looks at his alarm clock. "Shet, it's 7am!"

Even though work was 3 hours away, he was in a hurry. One thing was on his mind, he got to his phone and dialled a number...

A New Reason

2007-08-11T02:50:00.000+08:00

This blog would be given a chance to rest... I will write something here... A series probably.. I haven't thought of the plot yet but it will about nothing in particualr...

The series would be about this guy who has a really cliche type of life... but in his life, these cliches are the reason why he faces complicated stuff...

there... i'll be ready to write about him soon... but not yet...

just waiting...

for what... i don't know...

In all the Depression

2007-08-10T22:35:00.000+08:00

Ok, so today was a total disaster...

Every plan just failed...

I ended up in the middle of Ortigas, wandering...

Nowhere to go... no plan...

Finally, i found a place to go...

But it wasn't until half past midnight when everything made sense...

Yes I am depressed and I am still in shock...

Hiling

2007-08-10T01:32:00.000+08:00

Nag-iisang pag-ibig ang nais makamit
Yun ay ikaw
Nag-iisang pangako na di magbabago
Para sa ‘yo

San ka man ay sana’y maalala mo
Kailan man asahang di magkalayo

Tanging ikaw lamang ang aking iibigin
Walang ibang hiling kundi ang yakap mo’t halik

Hindi malilimutan, mga araw natin
Kay sarap balikan
At lagi mong isipin, walang ibang mahal
Kundi ikaw

Malayo ka man ay sana’y maalala mo
Kailan man pangako, di magkalayo

Tanging ikaw lamang ang aking iibigin
Walang ibang hiling kundi ang yakap mo’t halik

Not in the Mood...

2007-08-09T20:55:00.000+08:00

a phrase often used lately... or is it just me?

im really stressed right now. a lot is happening, i just want time to stop... read a book, sing a song, drink a beer, and enjoy any momentary happiness i can find...

but then again, time never stops, we have to move... we have to live life...

i miss how it used to be. it's hard to fake things... being forced to smile or at least not being sad... but what if it's what you really feel... or is it just the stress talking...

losing one person might be sad.... but what if (and a big what if) you lose two persons so close to you... a friend to hear your weird thoughts, to hear you rant and most importantly to be just there... it's really sad right? well in the end we have to accept it one by one... but then again, maybe losing someone is a really hard feeling.... especially if you know it will never be the same again...

i hope im not insensitive about all this... because deep inside... it's hard... faking everything, faking every laugh, faking every smile... i hate this...

well... that's life though... maybe the more you fake to be happy, the more realistic your happiness becomes...

Les Émotions Rendantes s'Attardent dans Une Région Solitaire
Gêne Attrapant des Attentes Normales
L'Offre d'Aucun Zeste Parmi l'Amour de Chaque Situation
Hypnotisé Comme la Réalité Ne se transforme en Rien

Thanks

2007-08-03T23:29:00.000+08:00

Thanks for the happiest birthday you've given me... You may have not done anything but it was the best birthday I had in years just because of your presence...

Actually, my july has also been the happiest because of you. Yet again, you didn't have to do anything but I thank you still...

I'm really thankful for everything that has happened. No regrets, no expectations...

I answered your simple question and this is what happened....

Still I'm thankful...

I'm sorry...

What I feel right now

2007-07-31T00:32:00.000+08:00

WORK: im tired and scared... i think it is now official... maybe im used to it already but now, the pressure is there...

FAMILY: nothing... it's stagnant... i'm still not sure what will happen to us... but i think it will all go good... just pray...

SOCIAL LIFE: im thankful... thankful of the new friends i've made this past few months.

"SOCIAL" LIFE: weird confusion... haha... no regrets, still no expectations...

PERSONALLY: im proud... im who i am right now for so many people who have helped. and im in the right path finally... but still, i still lack something... and hopefully i'll get it soon... just hope...

Who would have thought...

2007-07-25T23:56:00.000+08:00

Who would have thought you would have that impact on me... When I first met you, you were only known as my friend's TL. I never thought that one day, you would become my TL too.

At first, you were just the boss... The person to sign my OT coupons. But you showed me how a TL should be. You cared for us, you offered us Starbucks on stressful days, you stayed as long as you can to keep us company, you gave us morale... "Mommy", your monicker really meant it, you became a second mom to the team, you became a second mom to me...

I can still remember the day you asked me why I was always late, I shared to you some of my problems and you listened... You became someone I trust... You became more than just an officemate, you became a friend...

Workwise, at first you were hesitant to trust me, but eventually you did. You gave me challenging tasks, you gave me oppurtunities to keep me on my feet. My still being on Azeus I greatly owe to you and whatever success and achievements I make I have you to thank for...

But not once did you treat me as just a workmate, you always treated me as a friend... You never stopped asking how I was and I want you to know that that was one thing that kept me going. I did have my moments, there was a time I just wanted to quit but you're mommy instincts always keep me sane.

Even if you didn't really mean it, you became a mentor to me. Your advise I will always treasure. I learned to keep both feet on the ground because of you. Not once did I see you brag about the things you have done.

I want you to know that I idolize you in every aspect of your life. You are a real life mommy too and you always have your family in mind in everything you do. Which is why I respect your decision but know that we will always miss you...

In a couple of weeks you will leave us... But I know that we can survive without you, you have taught us well, you have shared a lot... It's not about the technical stuff but it's about the virtues/qualities that makes us better people to work with.

Selfishly, I really don't want you to leave...I have so much to ask you... I have so much to learn from you still... But selflessness is one thing I learned from you...

Who would have thought that this would be the last couple of weeks we would be working together...

Here I am thanking you for the things you have given us, all the advice you gave me about work, about life, about love.

Thank you Mommy and I'm sorry I can never repay you for everything you have given me...

Best Advice

2007-07-24T04:27:00.000+08:00

Best advice i've heard in a long long time...

"sakay ka lang... go with the flow..."

Pangalawang Pasasalamat

2007-07-24T00:36:00.001+08:00

Sa mga taong to na bumati sa akin via text (baka kasi di ko kayo nareplyan):

toj and gary - 11:54pm (sa oras ko pero feeling ko sa oras nila ay 12mn na. hehe)
mommy olive - 12:50am
melissa - 1:42am
papa - 5:23am
mama - 5:27am (haha. either sabay sila nagising or gising sila pareho at biglang naalala)
chloe - 8:43am
nadz - 8:58am
maye - 10:41am
jeff Z - 12:10pm
lea - 1:03pm
apple - 5:59pm
faye - 7:53pm
patty - 9:24pm
wawi - 1:23am (belated na to...)
jomar - 1:25pm (better late than never)
kaye - 7:07pm (haha. nagkalagnat ka na nga't lahat sa birthday ko di mo pa ako natext...)

Sa mga officemates ko na bumati rin sa akin nung araw na un. hehe... special mention si Ryan L kasi siya ung una at nalaman lang naman ng lahat ng nadaananan ko habang papasok ako ng office...

Salamat kay jeff at nadz sa binigay niyo... (nadz ang lakas talaga ng boses mo, buti natitiis ni jeff yan. wahahaha)

At siyempre kay dennis na kahit ilang beses nagforward ng mga jokes at quotes sa akin sa text, di talaga naalala na birthday ko... hahahahaha...

Isang nakakatuwa at hindi makakalimutang kaarawan dahil sa inyo... at para dun, isang MALAKING SALAMAT... hehe... next year ulit ;p

*edit
salamat rin pala kay jelline na binati ako via friendster, kay anjo at densio na binati ako via multiply. hehe.

Thanks to all

2007-07-21T01:07:00.000+08:00

thanks to all who greeted... well... you actually haven't greeted me yet since it's just 1am but of course, you would only be able to read this after... (also, i'm not sure if i have time to write tomorrow)

salubong... nagmamadali... sampung minuto ng makarating... naglakad ng konti... tapos ayun na... sumalubong... wala namang andun para salubungin... okay lang... sanay na....

One

2007-07-20T01:15:00.000+08:00

i'm tired... not stressed... tired... a lot in my mind... ok lang sana kung puro work e... but that's not the case...

life is really complicated... simple lang naman talaga dapat e... pero siyempre sa sitwasyon at ugali ko, gumugulo siya... hay...

i am in utter confusion...

I seem to read this word a lot lately...

2007-07-17T00:55:00.000+08:00

i'm not saying what that word is... but it's something i rarely use... something i sometimes despise hearing... but sometimes, it's the only thing i want...

i seem to read this word a lot lately... and the mere fact that i only read it just saddens me. i wish i could hear it more often, i wish i could see it more often...

i seem to read this word a lot lately... a word i only have a vague idea of its meaning... a word i wish i knew all so well...

i seem to read that word a lot lately... is it timing or is it mocking me? but the mere existence of this word makes me happy...

i seem to read that word a lot lately... a word i don't even know how dear it is to me... and maybe (hopefully) that word is the one word that drives me...

so what is this word i seem to read a lot lately? hmm... just open your eyes... it's everywhere... because even though this word you may read so many times, the only way for you to know it is to feel it...

this word... that word... and my point for all this... even though this word i seem to read a lot lately, all i want is that word to be me...

Just Around The Bend

2007-07-14T02:19:00.001+08:00

friday the 13th just passed... i watched Harry Potter. The book is of course better(nothing beats human imagination) but the movie wasn't bad. it was one of the better harry potter movies ( i just keep remembering how much i hate the second movie). Book 7 is coming out... hope I read it before someone spoils the ending...

work is becoming more and more demanding... i think i overdid it... too bad... now, petix is an impossibility(for now that is)

never a burden whose presence makes happiness more feasible...

maybe i am selfish... but everyone deserves even an ounce of happiness.... thanks.

Birthdays are overrated

2007-07-11T21:43:00.000+08:00

so what if you add one to your age...

2007-07-10T00:27:00.001+08:00

Sige, aminin ko na...

I need help...

thanks...

I know

2007-07-07T01:19:00.000+08:00

hmm... i want to buy a pair of shades... hehe... i think i'm old enough to have one... my eyes look too old already. having 4-5hours of sleep a day really do have an effect on my eyes.

i also want to buy an ateneo jacket... i never had one. and i actually don't have anything that have an ateneo insigna with me... and to think, i'm proud of being one. hehe

i want to shop for clothes. haha. yup, i still am into checkered polos. haha. i want a pink polo(or shirt) that would look good on me. or am i too dark to too make it look good? hehe...

all of these are wants... and i want to be the one to buy them.... it would feel nice to buy them on my own.... hehe...

but still, i can't not think of my needs... hmm... soon...

and who said i don't want anything for myself? hahahaha.

Change

2007-07-05T02:08:00.000+08:00

why is it when we are used to doing something... a routine probably... it is just so hard to change it...

and if that change comes and it is beyond our control to revert it back... it just feels really bad...

some change also requires you to defy your norms... it tests your will power... and when your will gives in ... guilt comes after...

change... it is inevitable...

but change is always for the better... di ba?

sometimes we just leave everything to faith... whatever that may bring...

Weird Confusion

2007-06-30T00:54:00.000+08:00

i can always reason out the ever so famous fallacy of "Confirmation Bias"

but then again... how can i deny something that is true...

june is a weird month... at least i only got sick once(even though it lasted 2weeks), i think i'm healthier now compared to a year ago...

july na bukas!!! haha... i can't wait...

wala lang...

apparently one of my 3 wishes can no longer come true... the other is improbable... and the most feasible one is too late... hehe...

i am now in a state of weird confusion

Dirty Little Secret

2007-06-27T01:09:00.001+08:00

I'll keep you my dirty little secret (dirty little secret)
Don't tell anyone or you'll be just another regret (just another regret)
(Hope that you can keep it)
My dirty little secret, who has to know?

- from "Dirty Little Secret" by All American Rejects

Blogging

2007-06-26T01:11:00.000+08:00

I just wanna post something... Im just lost right now... I have no idea where i am...

I'm taking it one day at a time... I just wanna thank you for making me not remember...

5...

5...

and it didn't really feel as sad as i thought it would be...

Two Things that I look forward to?

2007-06-21T00:12:00.000+08:00

two things to look forward to... not because i'm going to be happy with those things but just because they will be eventful...

hmm... wala lang...

nababadtrip ako sa kilay ko... tumitibok siya... sabi nila stress lang daw to... pero masakit sa ulo e... everytime tumitibok parang may kumakatok sa ulo ko... masakit... kakaiba ung feeling... constant knocking headache...

what do i feel right now? i am confused... simply confused...

Kapoy Na

2007-06-19T00:33:00.000+08:00

haaaaaaaaaay... everyday i feel this way... everyday... my workday always ends up with me being tired...

sana by july hindi na ganito...ayoko ng ganito e... masaya naman ung work... nakakapagod lang... hehe...

maybe i am too young for this kind of work... or maybe i act too young for this...

my right shoulder is killing me... kahit huminga lang ako masakit na siya... bawal nga humikab e... labo talaga... ewan... lungs na ba to... oh shit... joints lang naman siguro...

need peace...

Multiply versus Blogspot

2007-06-13T01:02:00.000+08:00

katamad magupdate ng multiply e.... so i'm staying here for the moment. hehe...

soon maybe i'll migrate to multiply na rin...

pero memories here... sobrang dami... hehe... sayang naman...

soon...

gusto ko lang ishare, today... embarassing moment... friend moment... and of course, i still and will always care...

In Sickness

2007-06-05T01:54:00.000+08:00

and in health...

ayoko mag sick leave sa office... i don't know why pero ayaw ko talaga. hindi dahil may salary deduction or anything, it's just that di rin naman ako makakapahinga...

it's been one week since nagsimula ung slight fever ko. today mejo full blown fever na... hula ko is pneumonitis(thanks kaye for the info) but di pa naman pneumonia. hehe... kaya ko pa naman e. i can still work... i'm not just 100%. i just feel that if i don't go to work, i'm letting a lot of people down...

no i am not a workaholic... i'm just happier there compared to anywhere else... not because i'm working but because of the environment... don't ask... some things are still better unmentioned...

another weird thing about me today... i'm extremely happy... and i don't even know why... kanina ko pa iniisip kung bakit pero there is no reason for me to be happy...

bahala na... enjoy my frustrated happiness(it's what i've decided to call it for now) until i go down into another depression... haha... labo talaga... hehe...

Nomad of the Year

2007-06-02T01:30:00.000+08:00

just a note to myself....

and a comment to the anonymous comment from my previous entry... honestly, yup may mga bagay na hindi na dapat sinusulat sa blog. pero for me kasi what i say here means that i have accepted it na. i have a complicated way of thinking even i don't understand it myself. so ayun, i just wanna say that my blog is not me looking for sympathy. it's me understanding myself.

minsan lang ako magsulat ng ganun ka straightforward na entries. wala lang.

again, sympathy is the last thing i'm looking for...

Apparently

2007-05-30T22:55:00.001+08:00

i miss God... my God... my Roman Catholic God... i miss Him...

i never stopped believing in Him... it's just that i stopped believing in those around Him... no not the angels, or the saints or anyone in heaven (or hell). mejo nawalan kasi ako ng belief sa religion ko... or any religion for that matter...

but now, i miss Him and i think it's time to return to my religion. i won't probably be the devout Catholic that i never was. but at least now, i will go back to praying, the Catholic way...

honestly, i won't ask for anything from Him. He has given me too much already... i will just thank Him...

simple as that. i'm back... a big decision for me... and i thank Him for giving me the chance to think...

so kelangan ko na lang magpakumpil... hahaha...

A day in the life of...

2007-05-30T22:34:00.000+08:00

i start the day with waking up. looking at my celfon, ang aga pa... tulog ulit...

after about an hour, magigising tapos maghahanda na papunta ng office. i think im spending more and more time in the bathroom. hehe.

pagdating sa office, i usually sleep or eat breakfast. pero kanina i just worked.... di gaanong productive pero i tried naman...

lunch somewhere outside tektite. ung murang kainan na dating asa tapat ng UA&P nagbukas na ulit sa tabi ng Rufo's... nice... murang lunch na ulit. hehe

after office, nag withdraw... sweldo e... hehe... sabi ko pag sweldo bibili na ako ng payong... so pumunta ako ng megamall... hehe...

had dinner, bought trivial stuff, watched shrek... tapos uwi na ng katips...

and here i am... back to where i will start tomorrow...

i have a simple life... i really am a simple guy...

Stars

2007-05-29T00:14:00.000+08:00

i'm saying i love you again
are you listening
open your eyes once again
are you crying

if only you could hear me shout your name
if only you could feel my love again
the stars in the sky will never be the same

if only i have wings so i can fly
i wanna be with you for all the time
my love for you will never die
if only you were here

(gawin ba namang lalagyan ng lyrics ang blog... hmm... bakit kaya...)

Pride...

2007-05-26T16:30:00.000+08:00

I hate having it...

A few more days til june...

Pride.... I just hate having it...

Sometimes

2007-05-24T00:17:00.001+08:00

I just want to be anonymous...

...

Psst...

2007-05-21T23:52:00.000+08:00

may tanong ako...

anong meron?

Haay...

2007-05-19T01:20:00.000+08:00

uncertainty can really bring you down... limited happiness... sudden joy... and it always comes down...

but wait. there's more...

there's more to everything... something really really not certain... but what the hell... i'll wait another day... luckily tomorrow never comes...

Another Day

2007-05-15T23:01:00.000+08:00

by Mojofly

I think I'll go home now
It's been the greatest day
Thank you for shedding life to my fantasy
Throw me a wicked smile the one like yesterday
That threw me up and away to the evergreen

Like a spiral staircase
Down I go losing every step
I sense an earthquake ILU
Don't even know how to say it
When will it break
Today is gone but tomorrow will be okay

I'll wait another day....(2x)

Morning awakes me I need a special plan
This very simple task I cannot overcome
Hundreds of streets I roamed in search of a perfect line
But nothing I've found good enough for a boy like you

Why I can never let you go
So strange extraordinary
Why I can never tell you so
I must be dumb
Why I can never let this go
Can't stop this fun it must be done

Hurting? yes... Happy? also yes...

2007-05-12T00:05:00.000+08:00

i am weird... what more can i say...

basketball... astig... kaya ko pa pala... survived 2 hours,.. one gulp of water... haha...

next time... dala nang tubig para makatakbo naman ako ng mas madalas.... hehe...

at nawala na shooting ko... sad... hehe...

maaga pa bukas... work muna ng todo bago ang mahabang weekend...

what to do this long weekend... hmm...

Huh? (part 3)

2007-05-10T03:23:00.000+08:00

Huh? (part 2 was last march 6)

tsk tsk tsk...

huh? ano meron?

ikaw...

bakit? may nagawa na naman ako?

oo... sabing wala ka na dapat e...

ay. oo nga... kaso ok lang naman di ba? tingin ko di naman maiiwasan un e...

hindi ko alam... ikaw kasi e... ayan tignan mo nangyari...

sorry... pero wala na tapos na yun. ano gusto mo gawin ko ngayon?

hindi ko alam. bahala ka na... hay naku... lagi na lang ganyan...

oo na oo na, ako na mali...

hindi naman sa mali ka. kala ko kasi nagbago ka na e... kala ko iba ka na nung nagpakita ka ulit...

hindi naman ako ang kelangan magbago...

ako ba dapat?

tingin mo? ano ba nangyayari sa atin ngayon? hindi ba mas lamang ka na ngayon... hindi naman ako nasusunod e...

so ibabalik mo sa akin? pero nagbago na naman ako a....

oo nga e... tibay mo nga ngayon e...

ikaw rin... tumatatag ka na rin kahit konti ngayon...

tulungan to... tulungan mo ko at tutulungan rin kita... pipigilan ko ang mga mali na ginagawa at gagawin mo...

at ikaw naman, ibabalanse ko...

so paano na? ano na balak?

sa totoo lang... hindi ko alam...

sige, let's stick with that first... basta ingat lang... ayoko na maulit ung dati...

Sorry

2007-05-09T23:45:00.000+08:00

i'm sorry... sorry for what? sa lahat? hindi ko alam... sorry...

just to clear things up... my poem "Failure of a Gift" was written 2nd week of april... i never finished it. kulang ako ng isang linya... dun tumulong si mommy...

another thing to clear, hindi ako magagalit, hindi ako maiinis, hindi ako maaasar... hindi na ako ganun....

grabe, natatakot ako... natatakot ako sa sarili ko... akala ko my greatest fear is confrontations... i just discovered, i am more afraid of myself than anything in the world...

p.s. changed something in my blog...

Rebelde

2007-05-09T01:23:00.000+08:00

isang rebelde... ganun ba tingin niyo sa akin?

oo ibinalik ko ang hikaw sa aking tenga... oo nalate ako nung isang araw

pero hindi ibig sabihin niyan e nagrerebelde ako... totoo apektado ako... totoo iyon. inaamin ko. gusto ko lang malaman niyo, malaman mo na... dati ko pang tanggap iyon... walang nagbago...

sige na, malungkot ako dahil dun... pansin naman kung ano nangyari sa akin di ba? oo, may epekto ka... oo meron talaga...

hindi ako naiinis sayo... natutuwa pa nga ako... hehe... labo no?

pero hindi ako nagrerebelde...

nagkataon lang na nalate ako nung monday... badtrip na bus yun...

at ung hikaw ko? hindi naman bago ung butas e... matagal nang andun iyon....

at alam mo ba... nabangga ang taxi na sinasakyan ko kanina... wala lang... ngayon ko lang naisip, isang napakakakaibang kuwento... ni isang tao wala man lang akong nasabihan... akalain mo...

A friend in need is a friend indeed

2007-05-05T03:31:00.001+08:00

thanks for the ears that listened.

thanks for the past advice whether i took them or not.

thanks for the advice all of you gave me whether ill take them or not.

thanks for just asking... sometimes that's enough

and now...

di ko alam kung ano gagawin ko.

it's between needs and wants now...

let's see how much i've grown since last year. same set of problems, different situation, different support group, different lifestyle...

tignan natin kung may magbago... kung may mangyaring maganda...

kung wala... hindi ko na alam...

p.s. i hate what ifs... but why am i bothered by this one what if... i tried my best to have no what ifs in my life... but i am only one... sometimes a choice would really cause a what if situation whether you like it or not...

faith... hope... and i thought i was a scientific man...

Uy May Bago Akong Poem

2007-05-02T23:12:00.000+08:00

title niya "Failure of a Gift"

kung makahanap lang ako ng copy... hmm...

thanks pala kay mommy for the last line.

(edited the post for reasons that are better unmentioned)

Spiderman 3

2007-05-01T16:27:00.000+08:00

ay hindi ko pa napapanood at hindi ko ata mapapanood. hehe. ok lang.

kakaiba talaga... mga ganitong pelikula, usually talagang may nangyayari sa buhay ko. ok lang naman na hindi ko mapanood e. bahala na. ewan ko ba.

akalain mong mayo na. astig. wala akong late nung abril. ang galing. kaya ko pala un. ngayong buwan kaya. kayanin ko pa rin? ewan ko rin.napapagod na ba ako sa trabaho ko? parang wala na akong ginagawang kakaiba e. isang araw talaga bigla ka na lang magiging robot. paulit ulit na lang ang nangyayari sa araw araw. magsasawa ka rin. ayoko ng ganun e. so ako, may ginagawa akong kakaiba para hindi naman ma-bore. gawin ba namang kumplikado ang buhay. aba'y ewan.

alam niyo, masaya naman ako e. pero oo nga, hindi ko nga ito pinapakita. sige na. ipapakita ko na nga. masyado na ata akong madrama. hehe. di ko talaga alam kung bakit bigla ako naging ganito. pero sige, ibalik ang lumang wamar. ang masayahing wamar. hehe. pero sa totoo lang masaya naman ako ah... sa likod ng lahat ng aking reklamo, sa likod ng lahat ng aking pagdradrama, sa likod ng lahat ng aking pag-iinarte, masaya ako... pansin mo ba? sana naman...

sa ngayon, ngiti lang talaga muna ako. ngiti na malalim ang pinanggagalingan...

God, I'm Depressed

2007-04-26T04:40:00.000+08:00

why? what a sad week. nothing is like last week. everything changed. one thing retained but i have yet again to hide it. hide it til when? i don't know. until i can, until i still have the energy to do so or until i am bound to...

ang pathetic ko talaga. describe myself in one word? pathetic...

i never expected to do that, to say that. and what happened the day after, that i didnt expect to be able to do. a part of me(maybe even a bigger part of me) wanted to object but it just isnt right. it would be something i have to do. something that would really really destroy me. and when i thought my life would just start making sense.

sorry if its not really in my heart whatever i did. it was not me. it was not how i have learned to do things. its not what i used to do. masakit talaga. pero that wouldnt stop me. its just a setback. i did achieve my one short term goal yesterday. now, i have a new goal. something that would really take patience.

its bad to expect but im not expecting, im hoping... even though the possibility of it happening might be lesser than the possibility of traveling in the past, i am still hoping for it... i am not giving up... i just have to hide everything... build a wall in a part of me. konting tiis lang.

grabe ang sakit. for so many times, it really hurts... it hurts everyday, it doesnt even have a scar yet, it has always been fresh for two months now. i think i have endured the worst pain that can ever be endured in that area. so why give up now... just think of the reason why ive held on for so long...

some are not meant to read this... and if you did. im sorry. this is what i feel and what i feel... nobody else is hurting me. i dont need help in that department, i can easily hurt myself without even trying...

depression, is this a phase in my life? or is it the story of my life?

f*ck

(rant mode... ask me about this, i might even deny...)

Monday

2007-04-23T21:31:00.000+08:00

is not my day...

ive done something weird today... ako na naman nagbukas ng office... its not a feat in itself but the fact that its a monday makes it, well almost impossible. basta...

im finally up to date with my tasks at work. mejo nagpakabibo na naman. pero kung wala ka nang magawa... ayun na lang talaga e...

i just want to talk about work...

damn mondays... bukas, tuesday na... baka mas ok naman... sana...

Needs and Wants

2007-04-21T02:14:00.000+08:00

needs and wants have different meanings and sometimes, our needs and wants are totally different from each other...

sometimes the first thing you need is the last thing you want and the first thing you want is the last thing you need. needs and wants... its sometimes is hard to distinguish between the two... but when you have distinguished it and you need to make a choice... why is it that it is so hard to turn away from the thing you want and so easy to deny yourself of the things you need... or is it just me?

this is how you make life complicated...

Naglibog(Naguguluhan)

2007-04-17T22:26:00.000+08:00

by Scrambled Eggs

Unsa man ang imong gusto
mura nakag way klaro
tinuod ba ang gugma mo
nga lubog pa sa milo

matag lakaw nato
manuroy ta sa manggo
maghilak kung di mogasto
para lang maka remedyo

wako kasabot
sa tinu-oray lang
kay ako naglibog na
ug hapit na mabuang

unsaman ang imong ganahan
seryoso ba o binuang lang
kay kung ako ang pangutan-on
ikaw ang akong pabut-on

kung naglibog pa
ayaw pagdali ug huna-hunaa
para dili mag magmahay
kay mao mansad imong ampay

(i don't understand the whole song. pero i get the gist)

(none)

2007-04-17T00:41:00.000+08:00

yup
there's something wrong...

i just wish i know what...
i just wish i know what's wrong...
i just wish i know what's wrong with me..

or maybe it isn't me... hmm... what's wrong...
(rhetorical questions)

I don't have to prove myself to anyone

2007-04-16T03:17:00.000+08:00

except to myself....

so i dont FUCKING care what other people think of me especially those who think they are my friend but backbite me countless times. dont worry, i dont consider you friends. i know who my real friends are and i know that you are not one of them. you never were. (you may refer to more than one person here). people whose opinion matter to me know that i care about their opinions.

and i admit, my life is not yet truly ok right now. i'm doing stuff to make it all right. if i wanted your help i would have asked already.

achievements? i have one off year. out of the almost 23 years of my existence, i have one off year. that's it. i know i have wasted most of my potential in college. but still i was not one of those underachievers. palag ka? sa course mo, sino ka? you may earn more than i do, but do people really respect you? e sa course ko... ask my blockmates... kapal rin ng mukha mo ha... tsk tsk... at least ako nakatulong sa iba... e ikaw?

o nagrereact ka na ba? ikaw ba pinapatamaan ko? haha. sakit ba? tsk tsk... wag ka na magcomment... wala rin akong paki.

aaminin ko na. dami kong ginawang kagaguhan for the past year. hanggang ngayon i still have those haunting me. unti unti ko silang inaayos. alam ng mga TUNAY kong kaibigan yun.

sige na, sinungaling ako. inaamin ko un. marami akong ginawang kasinungalingan. mga kwento na hindi totoo para itago kung sino ba talaga ako. pero ulit, inaayos ko na...

oo na, marami akong sinaktan, marami akong pinaasa, marami akong nadisappoint... kaya nga lumayo ako e. para maayos ko muna ang lahat. babalikan ko rin isa isa. aayusin ko rin. tingin ko naman nagagawa ko na siya e. paisa isa nga lang...

tama, marami akong iniwan sa ere... at tanggap ko un. i have suffered from it na...

I DESERVE TO BE FUCKING HAPPY!!! and once i am, tignan natin kung sino ang mas maraming nagawa. hindi ko habol ang yumaman. hindi ko habol na idolohin ng ibang tao. pero at least alam ko, sa buhay ko marami rin akong natulungan. mas marami kesa sa mga nalungkot dahil sa akin....

isang taon nasira ko ang buhay ko... at marahil matagal tagal pa bago ko maisaayos ang nasirang buhay na iyon... at least ginagawa ko na ang lahat ng makakaya ko ngayon. tanong mo pa sa iba... ung ibang kilala talaga ako ha. ung ibang kaibigan ko talaga...

ayun lang naman po. sa mga ibang nagbabasa na di naman tinamaan... hmm... makes you wonder... i may have kept most of you in the dark. it's a defense mechanism. there are just some things in life that are not meant to be known by everyone... so kung madalas ako magkwento sa inyo tungkol sa isang bagay at isang bagay lang... pagpasensyahan niyo na po, kasi yun lang kasi ang kaya kong ikwento e... hehe.

Life sucks but I know and I am choosing to live it... I am choosing to live it more than most people... and you know what... with what I have done in my life, I can honestly say that I am satisfied with what I have done.

Random Stuff

2007-04-12T23:04:00.000+08:00

J'ai appris beaucoup dans la vie. J'ai couru loin de lui tant de fois avant. Maintenant, j'ai un choix, pour battre en retraite ou à fonctionner loin encore…

Quoi que je fasse maintenant déterminerait qui je deviendrais. Soyez le lâche que j'avais l'habitude d'être ou je ferai face finalement à mes craintes ? Il pourrait sembler que la bonne chose à faire est évidente mais pour moi c'est une décision dure…

Bientôt je déciderai mon destin. Celui qui il soit, j'espère qu'il me fera bon...

Et For Your Information, je ne sais pas le français. J'ai juste utilisé un traducteur en ligne.

Sweet but Pathetic... Pathetic but Sweet...

2007-04-10T22:08:00.000+08:00

-from Alex (The OC season 2)

hmm... will i go or will i not... really a dilemma... nakakatamad na e... work before recreation...

hmm... hirap magdecide pero leaning on not... bahala na... hehe...

HOLY week...

2007-04-09T19:23:00.000+08:00

updating my life... hmm

this holy week break eto nangyari sa akin (descibing it in as few words as i can)

thursday: sacrifice with silence
friday: cold tagaytay
saturday: the call
sunday: 6hours on the road

and just to remind myself... these are the series i have watched...

Friends -season 1 to 9
Alias - season 1 to 3
24 - season 4 to 6(6episodes pa lang for season6)
OC - season 1 to 2 (about 6episodes rin)
OTH - season 1
House - season 1 to 2 (10 episodes for 2)
Prisonbreak - season 1 to 2 (12 episodes for 2)
Grey's Anatomy - season 1 to 2 (i think more than half of season 2 napanood ko na)
Heroes - season 1 (ep1 to 18)

hmm... inaalala ko pa ung iba e... pero tignan niyo ang dami ko pa kelangang panoorin!!! hahaha...

anyways, meron na akong multiply... kaso wala pang laman... haha... Wamar's Multiply. Multiply are for people with cameras or even just camera phones... haha... e wala ako nun... sad... kinuha ko lang ung pangalan actually... hehe

Sanity

2007-04-03T23:06:00.000+08:00

makikiuso lang ulit ako...

Sanity... hmm what keeps people sane... and what drives people insane?

the one thing keeping me sane this day is also one reason i am being driven insane... sanity comes from acceptance, acceptance of what is happening... for me ganun lang...

sane, insane, it doesn't matter which you are. what matters is that you live life to the fullest, whether it be your sane self or your not so sane self. as long as you are true to who you are...

simple lang naman di ba? pero siyempre, ok lang na gawing kumplikado... your choice...

My First Weekend in Metro Manila this 2007...

2007-04-01T12:48:00.000+08:00

i remember nung college, i rarely go home to laguna. about once a sem lang... pero for the past 3months, every week umuuwi ako. maybe because i want to go home, maybe because i don't have a choice. pero ganun, i tend to go home every weekend na.

mejo boring din pala ang sundays dito. di tulad dati na kahit anong araw maraming tao sa katipunan. well, kelangan ko na masanay. one month i'll spend sunday evenings here. try ko lang. hehe.

ayan. so first weekend ko here this 2007... hmm... what to do...

bahala na... hahaha... indulge myself... yun na lang... hehe...

april na!! wala lang... hehe

Who said

2007-04-01T00:27:00.000+08:00

I can't? I'll try to prove you wrong...

Kaya Pa

2007-03-31T15:02:00.000+08:00

tapos na po ang marso... abril naman... isang buwan lang... hehe... kaya pa...

konting tiis, konting katahimikan... kaya pa...

wala lang. hehe...

walang pakialamanan....

Sick and Tired

2007-03-30T23:52:00.000+08:00

There is a famous quote... "I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired"

Now I know how he felt.... hehe...

But I'm enjoying life, moment by moment, smiles that last a second, happiness that easily fades clouded by everything that is unclear...

Being alive... Is this it?

Salamat

2007-03-29T23:39:00.000+08:00

salamat rin. hehe...

isang mahaba habang linggo... masakit sa ulo, masaya, malungkot... kakaiba? mejo weird, mejo nakakatakot... minsan masaya ka natatapos na lang, minsan parang bitin... minsan malinaw, madalas malabo... nakakalito, nakakaloko...

lahat na lang talaga pwedeng gamitin para malaman niyo kung ano nangyari sa akin sa linggong ito...

grabe talaga... hindi ko na alam. baka mabaliw na lang ako sa ginagawa ko. hehe. ok lang naman. lilipas rin naman ito e. bahala na, wala na akong paki? di ko alam... hehe...

wala naman akong magagawa ngayon e... hmm... wala nga ba? aba'y ewan ko...

Love Hurts... But Without Love I Won't Survive

2007-03-28T19:35:00.000+08:00

Love Hurts by Incubus

Tonight we drink to youth
And holding fast the truth
Don't want to lose what I had as a boy

My heart still has a beat
But love is now a feat
As common as a cold day in L.A.

Sometimes when I'm alone I wonder
Is there a spell that I am under
Keeping me from seeing the real thing

Love hurts
But sometimes it's a good hurt
And it feels like I'm alive
Love sings
When it transcends the bad things
Have a heart and try me 'cause without love I won't survive

I'm fettered and abused
Stand naked and accused
Should I surface, this one-man submarine?

I only want the truth!
So tonight we drink to youth!
I'll never lose what I had as a boy

Sometimes when I'm alone I wonder
Is there a spell that I am under
Keeping me from seeing the real thing?

Love hurts
But sometimes it's a good hurt
And it feels like I'm alive
Love sings
When it transcends the bad things
Have a heart and try me 'cause without love I won't survive
Without love I won't survive

Love hurts
But sometimes it's a good hurt
And it feels like I'm alive
Love sings
When it transcends the bad things
Have a heart and try me 'cause without love I won't survive

For Every Action

2007-03-27T22:00:00.000+08:00

there is a reaction... hmm... ano kaya ngayon...

Tired...

2007-03-26T23:53:00.001+08:00

I'm tired... pero ok lang... tuloy lang...

dahil baduy ako at walang magawa...

2007-03-22T23:59:00.000+08:00

old school survey thingy...

1.The emotion I tend to hide the most:~ sadness

2.When I'm happy, I need:~ to smile all day...

3.When I'm sad, I need:~ to look for something to smile about

4.When I'm sentimental, I need:~ to talk to someone close

5.When I'm in love:~ it shows in everything i do

6.I would jump up & down and shout w/joy right now if someone told me:~ that i got a very very large bonus this summer... hahaha...

7.The last time I cried was:~ real cry: about ten months ago, ung bigla na lang na di naman talaga expected... about 2-3weeks ago...

8.Moment in my life when my emotions froze and I felt absolutely nothing:~ break up with my ex

9. The mess you've made, it is starting to look right again:~ my life... hehe...

10. Something that makes me happy:~ people smiling

11.Someone or something that made me laugh this week:~ hehe... lagi naman e...

12.Your Good Luck Charm:~ uhm... wala...

13. Person You Hate Most:~ myself

14. On my desk:~ paper, TY bears ng mcdo at isang mug na once in a blue moon kung gamitin... hehe...

15. What do you notice first with theopposite sex:~ smile then eyes

16. Last person you slow danced with:~ ex ko nung kami pa... about 3-4 years ago... hehe

17. The best thing that happened to you this month:~ naregular ako? nah... not the best... when i finally got to talk to someone i have been meaning to talk with...

18. Anything you would like to wish for?~ maging masaya ang buhay ng lahat ng kakilala ko...

19. Message for the one reading this:~ oo na baduy na... napulot ko lang to sa friendster... haha... sorry ha...

Anonymous

2007-03-21T23:51:00.001+08:00

anonynous...

Anonymous

2007-03-21T00:43:00.000+08:00

A friend of mine used this username in a message board once... and in his signature, a simple but disturbing message... "Anonymous does not forgive"

Anonymous, something I have been using for the past few weeks. Or maybe I have been using it for years. But I don't do it to to irk someone, I don't use it to annoy someone else. I have loved the fact that people don't know me in some things I do. Minsan kasi mahirap nang makilala, minsan kasi parang ayaw mo na nalalagyan ng additional context ang mga ginagawa mo lalo na kung di naman importante ung dahilan bakit mo ginagawa iyon pero ang importante ung mismong action na ginagawa mo. Lahat naman kasi ng tao may ulterior motive sa mga ginagawa nila, yun ang iniiwasan ko. Oo, lahat ng ginagawa ko may iba akong gustong mangyari pero selfishness ito. Minsan ayoko lang talaga maisip ng ginagawa ko ang mga bagay na ito. Minsan kasi nawawala ung sense ng ginagawa mo dahil lang sa ulterior motive mo.

Lahat ng taong tumutulong sa iba may dahilan. Lahat ng bagay may dahilan... Ayan ang totoo, pero minsan mas maganda na di mo na lang alam iyong dahilan. At madalas nangyayari ito pag ikaw mismo ay tinatanong kung bakit... Bakit nga ba? Ang pinakamagandang sagot... "wala lang." Mas magandang isagot ito kesa sabihin mo ung totoo... Di naman sa nagsisinungaling ka, di naman sa may tinatago ka, gusto mo lang muna sabihin na wala lang...

Labo ng mundo no... pero ang pagsagot ko ng ganun ang pag-iwas sa maraming complications... wala lang... hehe... ang dali pang sabihin... hehe...

Pero lahat ng bagay may dahilan. Minsan lang mas magandang wala ka na lang munang alam...

Anonymous... ang sarap gamitin niyan... kahit na kilala na naman si anonymous... may dahilan pa rin kung bakit ko siya ginagamit...

Response to 6 Months...

2007-03-19T21:46:00.001+08:00

isa lang masasabi ko... nice offer...

Ako, ako at ako

2007-03-19T21:04:00.000+08:00

Dahil parang uso, makikiuso na lang rin ako... hehe...

Una, happy birthday to my one and only father, the person that I have idolized my whole life. Even though at the time he was so down, I still idolized him. He may not be the best role model but his words are enough. Even without actions to back them up, he was really wise... He knew everything, he had been through anything, a rich life, a poor life... a senseless life and now, he is looking for meaning in life. Grabe, idol ko tong taong to... and kanina, I made him happy... I didn't exactly know why he was happy but nonetheless he was happy. And I felt it too... It is true that blood is thicker than water... My blood, my father is one thick man. And I know he would be there forever... Hope he has a million more birthdays to come. And yes, I love my father(even though I haven't told him these words exactly, I think he knows how I feel)

Now back to me... Well, ako... hmm... ano nga ba ako... Isang tao? Wala lang. Kakaiba rin ang tao no. Ako kasi, madalas talaga ako ang huling iniisip ko. madalas iba muna bago ako. Ganito ako pinalaki e... Simula nung bata ako, hanggang pisay at lalo na sa ateneo... Nasanay ako na ganito. Kalimutan mo muna sarili mo, iba muna. Bakit? Siguro dahil mababa ang pagtingin ko sa sarili ko... Tingin ko kasi mas maganda kung ung iba muna para mas makatulong sila, sila ung magagaling e, sila ung mga may magagawa. Sila ung magiging kinabukasan ng mundo... Pero naisip ko rin, sa ginagawa kong to, nagiging isa na rin ako sa kanila... Ako ang, kumbaga, nagbibigay ng lakas sa kanila para gawin ang mga pangarap nila. Yun na nga ba ang pangarap ko? Siguro nga. Lalo na't wala na akong totoong pangarap ngayon, sinira ko na ito e. Sa ngayon... wala na akong paki kung ano mangyari sa akin, mas importante ang iba...

Pero para namang nakakaawa ako pag ganito. Wag kayo mag-alala, di ako kawawa. marami akong nagagawa para sa sarili ko. Mga maliliit na nga lang na bagay. Nung nasira pangarap ko halos isang taon na ang nakaraan, di ko na naisip ang kinabukasan ko. Live a day to day life. ayan na ang nangyari sa akin. Make the most of what you have. And in the things that you have, help as much as you can. Simple lang naman ang naging pangarap ko... Ayun ay ang matupad ang pangarap ng lahat ng iba... At pag nangyari o nangyayari iyon, aba, masaya na rin ako. Kaya wag niyo ako kaawaan dahil eto ang kaligayahan ko. Eto ang pangarap ko.

Little goals... ayun na lang muna... mga maliliit na bagay na inaasam ko, yan muna ang iniisip ko para sa sarili... Ang isa sa mga gusto ko maatim ngayon, maging independent na talaga ako. Mukha na nga akong ganito ngayon pero sa loob loob ko hindi ko pa talaga to nararamdaman. So ayun muna...

Pangalawa, hmm... mapaniwala ang isang tao... hehe... eto mahirap to. pero gagawin ko pa rin. Bakit? Wala lang. Eto para sa sarili ko to. Hanggang doon na lang muna. Oo, parang di kapanipaniwala sa ngayon kung ano ang meron, pero kelangan ko lang magpasensya... maghintay... at tingin ko naman isang araw mapapaniwala ko na rin siya. haha... Pathetic? Well... there is a thin line between romantic and pathetic... and sometimes the only difference they have is their spelling.

Pangatlo, hmm, alam ko meron pa e... world peace... haha... joke... gusto ko, matapos na ang kahirapan ko at ng pamilya ko. Ayun mejo mabigat to. pero ok lang naman na di kami maging ganun kayaman. Middle class lang masaya na ako... hehe... konting tiis... ayun lang talaga kelangan. hehe... Masaya na rin ako, ngayon, lahat kami nagtratrabaho na. Unti unti at aangon din kami sa binagsakan naming butas. Sana lang makisama ang aking mga kapatid na wag na maghukay ng sarisarili nilang butas habang inaayos ang butas na nangyari sa pamilya namin.

Ayun lang naman. mga maliliit na bagay na pangarap ko. hehe. Ang hirap pala nang walang malaking pangarap no. Pero ako'y nabuhay ng ganito ng isang taon. Siguro nga kelangan ko na ng isang pangarap para naman may patunguhan ako. Pero tingin ko, di ko pa kaya... isa isa muna. magsimula sa maliliit na bagay... Tsaka na ung malaki...

To those who wonder... I used to dream to teach calculus to high school students... To require it in high schools, not just in science high schools but also in normals schools, in public schools... This would help the Philippines to be better in the world. Put them in the map... In order to do this, I have to be a teacher... This was my dream... This dream has shattered... and right now, I don't plan on dreaming this again yet...

Blogging

2007-03-18T10:16:00.000+08:00

ang dalas ko magblog ngayon. bakit nga ba? dahil ba masaya ako? dahil ba malungkot ako? or dahil ba wala lang akong ginagawa. Maybe it's a mix of all those. I haven't been really sure of what I feel these days. I am happy because of a lot of things. Also sad because of another set of things. It's quite the extreme actually. Nafeel niyo na ba yung tipong masayang masaya tapos malulungkot tapos bigla ka ulit sasaya? Nakakabaliw na mangyari yun and for the past few weeks, ganun ako. Probably there is still not enough reason to be genuinely sad and not enough reason to be genuinely happy. Pero I am in a positive mood.

About a year ago, sobrang depressed ako. I was so low, I even stay at home just not to face life. Ngayon... hmm... basta. Parang ganun rin pero hindi. I don't have a home to stay in kaya I am always out. Pero even if I'm out, parang feel ko I am still running away from a lot of things. Mas di lang halata ngayon di tulad ng dati.

Ang buhay sa isang kompanya ay sobrang kakaiba kumpara mo nung asa school pa ako(as a student or as a teacher). Sa school kasi there is always a new school year. And every year may mababago. Ngayon, hindi na ganun. Changes come at any time. People arriving, people leaving. People changing status... Sobrang surprising ang mga nangyayari...

May nabalitaan ako, may aalis na naman. At mejo nakakagulat(even though mejo expected ko na) pero sobrang bilis. 1 week lang tapos alis na. ganun kabilis. Kakaiba no? Ako kaya tatagal? Hmm... sana naman... marami pa akong gustong gawin, sana lang magawa ko sila para di rin ako aalis... pero kung aalis man ako, gusto parang ganun din, 1week lang tapos mawawala na...

I am here on a sunday. Dapat asa Laguna na ako e. Di ko nga alam kung bakit andito pa ako e... At ang aga aga!!! haha. Madalas kasi pag ganitong oras ng linggo, asa bahay ako at tulog. Walang connection to the outside world, pero ngayon... well ganun din, wala naman akong kinakausap e. hehe. Di ako pwede magtagal kasi nga uuwi pa ko ng Laguna ngayon... kaya malamang sa malamang, wala rin akong makikitang kakilala. hehe...

Megamall, is such a big mall, pero by some weird reason kagabi, I met a lot of friends/kakilala... Una kong nakasalubong etong ka-org ko dati... Nakakagulat at nakilala niya ako kasi sa pagkakaalala ko, never niya akong nakitang short hair. pero tumango naman siya sa akin at ako ay nag-hi sa kanya... pero hanggang dun lang. nasa escalator kasi ako nun, pataas siya, pababa ako...

Pangalawa kong nakita ay ang aking estudyante dati kasama ang kanyang pamilya... Nakakagulat tong taong to... sobrang nagbago na siya. haha... mag diet ka na tol!!! pero well ang weird talaga tignan, di talaga maiisip ng ibang tao na nakilala ko tong tao na dahil teacher ako at estudyante ko siya. hehe.

Pangatlo kong nakita ang isa kong college classmate. Hindi ko siya blockmate pero parang ganun na rin. hehe. Pareho kaming asa timezone at naguubos kami ng oras. hehe. sandali lang kami nag-usap pero nakakagulat pa rin at well, nagkita kami. hehe.

Pang-apat kong nakita(eto literal na nakita ko lang) ay isa kong kaibigan. Kakaibang kaibigan to. kaya nung nakita ko siya di ko na inisip pang lapitan. Mejo magulo kasi ang relasyon namin ngayon. Masyadong plastic kung bibigyan ko pa siya ng pagkakataon na plastikan ako... Pero ako sa kanya, normal lang naman ako. Hindi ako galit sa kanya... I'm still hoping that it is just a stage...

Panglima(anim at pito) kong nakita ang mga katrabaho ko na nakatambay sa starbucks... haha. tatambay sana ako dun e. kaso weird na may kakilala ako tapos hihiwalay ako sa kanila. hehe. so ayun, kinamusta ko lang sila at umalis na rin ako.

Bakit nga ba ako paikot ikot ng megamall... di ko alam... baka di ako mapakali, nag-eenjoy... nagmumuni mag-isa... nung pauwi na ako, tsaka ko nalaman kung bakit ako paikot ikot... Ang huling nakita ko sa megamall ay iyong kasama ko nung pumunta ako dun... Pauwi na ako nun at nasa taxi na... nung dumaan kami sa may megastrip, ayun, nakita ko siya... siguro pauwi na rin... ayun, nakita ko siya... may kasama... nakita ko siya... mukha namang masaya...

kakaiba... hanggang sa huling sandali, may makikita ako sa megamall... kakaiba talaga... kahit na gusto ko pang lapitan di na pwede, asa taxi na ako e(pero napaisip ako i-para ung taxi nun). Siguro ganun talaga ang buhay... kahit na di mo hinahanap, magpapakita talaga sayo ang bagay(o tao) na talagang inaasam mo... haha... corny na, oo... pero ganun talaga buhay... masyadong corny kaya kelangan gawing exciting. hehe...

Ayun lang naman...

In conclusion, hindi naman sa ako'y nag-iisa... marami naman akong kakilala e... pinili ko lang na maging mag-isa...

At sino may sabi na malungkot ako? Nakangiti naman ako ah...

(just a side note: to people who changed physically... whether tumaba or pumayat, nagpagupit or nagpapahaba, nagsalamin or nagcontacts bigla... don't rush into changing back into who you were. kasi for some people, you might look better the way you are now... I personally think so...)

moment

2007-03-15T21:13:00.000+08:00

i'm falling even more in love with you
letting go of all i've held on to
i'm standing here until you make me move
i'm hanging by a moment here with you...

Tired...

2007-03-15T20:52:00.000+08:00

I'm tired... tired of playing this game... tired living life day by day...

I'm tired since I haven't been sleeping enough for the past couple of weeks... Yet I am still alive... Is this pushing myself to the limit? I haven't even done anything fruitful yet...

I'm tired of thinking about my problems... Problems that was, problems that is and problems that will be... They seem to never end. All I want is one day without problems...

I'm tired of life in general. But yet I go on living it. I can't bear to think of the things I'm going to miss if I continue on...

I may be tired of playing this game yet I still will. It's not that I don't have a choice but I actually choose to do play this tiring game.

I may be tired because of lack of sleep but I will still not sleep... Because every hour, minute even second I miss may cause me a lot of things...

I may be tired of my problems but life would be boring without them. One day when all is solved, I would be happy... Real happiness... happiness I have long forgotten, but till that day comes, happiness is something i pretend to have. And pretending to have it is sometimes better than really having it.

I may be tired of life... but well... but this is why we're alive... to live... to survive... to love... life may be tiring but in the end, it will all be worth it...

pagod na ko... obvious naman di ba?

EMOde

2007-03-14T23:17:00.000+08:00

stressed... really stressed today...

pero well, ok lang naman... the day ended in a happy mood. masaya ang may makasama... kahit konting usap lang. hehe...

chat and text... hmm... ano ba meron? hahaha...

im not happy but i am not sad... somewhere in between? i am not the type of person who wants to be in the middle... i am the type who wants to be extreme...

at sa mga nakakita ng aking "slashed wrist," I am not that suicidal... accident lang po siya. sumabit sa yero nung pababa ako ng bubong ng bahay namin... hehe... ganda nung cut no? hahaha. mahapdi siya... at ngayong healing na siya... makati na... hehe... need to keep my left hand busy... di naman kasi abot ng kanan ko un para kamutin e... hahaha...

EMOde ba ako ngayon? hmm... just look at me... stare straight in my eyes... and you'll know...

6 months...

2007-03-13T21:36:00.000+08:00

6 months... it's been that long... many told me that i wouldn't be able to reach this... well... that proved you wrong...

6 months... i've done everything i could. i showed what i can do...

6 months... what more can you ask?

Finally... i have done my part... let's see you do yours...

Poorman's Grave

2007-03-12T23:50:00.000+08:00

by Eraserheads

I know a man who had nothing
He was a poor man all his life
He lived in a shack by the roadside
With starving kids and a loving wife

He went to church every Sunday
He prays from morning until night, he said
Good Lord, why have you forsaken me
When everything I did I thought was right

Now my Life is coming to an end
There's only one thing I'm wishing for
All my days I have never sinned
So I hope you wont ignore
What I'm asking for...

Oh honey when I die
Dress me up in a coat and tie
Give my feet a pair of shoes
That I haven't wore in a long time
Put me in a golden box
Not a cross on a pile of rocks
Bury me where the grass is green
And the gates are shining...

Oh honey when I die
Give me a bed of roses
Where I could lie
I'm gonna use up all the money that I saved
'Coz I dont wanna lie in a poor man's grave...

I know a man who had nothing
He dreamed of satin sheets all his life
He lived and worked like a dog
Licking every boot he sees just to survive

He comes home drunk every night
Wakes up the kids and talks to his wife, he said
Honey you have been so good to me
I only wish we had a better life

And now my lifes coming to an end
There's only one thing I'm wishing for
All my days I have lived in shame
So I hope you wont ignore
Just what I'm asking for...

Oh honey when I die
Dress me up in a coat and tie
Give my feet a pair of shoes
That I haven't wore in a long time
Put me in a golden box
Not a cross on a pile of rocks
Bury me where the grass is green
And the gates are shining...

Oh honey when I die
Give me a bed of roses
Where I could lie
I'm gonna use up all the money that I saved
'Coz I dont wanna lie in a poor man's...
Oh honey when I die
Give me a bed of roses
Where I could lie
I'm gonna use up all the money that I saved
'Coz I dont wanna lie in a poor man's grave...

-------
my dream funeral would be just like that

Life is really weird

2007-03-10T02:35:00.000+08:00

Grabe... My blog title is really a part of me... weirdness intensified... tanggap ko... ikaw, tanggap mo?

hehe... anyone who would want to be any part of my life must accept that... i have too many secrets and i am not willing to share all of it to just one person... maybe soon, pero for now, di pa kaya...

for you, i will try... i will really try... patience is a virtue... your happiness is all that matters to me now... sorry kung mejo weird ako... hehe... pero gusto ko lang malaman mo na you will always be that special someone... and no matter what happens... you will never be nothing less than special...

chloe!!! i will miss you... haha... wala na kong sasabihan ng mga mushy stuff... haha... dalaw ka minsan... hehe... (asa pang mabasa mo to, pero malay natin... hehe)

life is really weird... simple lang naman... masarap lang gawing komplikado minsan...

Huh? (part 2)

2007-03-06T23:11:00.000+08:00

Huh? (part1 was last february 2)

o ano?

wala ako masabi...

sabi naman sayo e...

well... at least i tried...

hehe... wag ka mag-alala, kakayanin natin to...

oo nga e... papahinga muna ako...

yup... ako muna ngayon... mas madali kung mawala ka muna e...

hehe... kelan ako babalik?

ikaw bahala... pero mejo magpahinga ka muna... weeks? parang bitin... months? baka pwede...

sana nga no... pero ok lang naman... kakapagod na rin no...

siyempre... pero at least ngayon, mejo may nagawa naman ako...

haha... oo nga e... at tama ka...

tama ka rin naman e... inalam mo gusto mo... at sa tingin ko kuntento ka na naman di ba?

honestly, hindi talaga e... pero ok na yun....

sige, isasara muna kita sa mundo... kaya mo yan... ako muna bahala...

salamat...

salamat din...

Yellow Full Moon...

2007-03-05T21:11:00.000+08:00

Such a beautiful sight... I remember the first yellow full moon I noticed... way back in high school... sept13,2000... That day, I let someone go... Ganun din ba ulit ngayon? Sana hindi... Sana kabaliktaran naman...

Minsan lang mangyari ang yellow full moon... Minsan lang rin mangyari ito... Sana naman hindi pareho ang kalalabasan... Kasi kung pareho lang...

A yellow full moon started my love for the moon... It was a replacement to whatever I felt. It made me see things in a new light...

A yellow full moon... Damn, I love the moon...

Isang Saglit, Isang Tingin

2007-03-01T00:55:00.000+08:00

by Ronnie Liang

Bigla na lang natulala na para bang bata
Kapag nakakakita ng nahuhulog na tala
Naganap ang lahat sa isang iglap

Isang saglit, Isang tingin
Ba’t ngayon lang napansin
O anong ganda ako ba’y umiibig na?

Kung pwede lang di pumikit sayang ang sandali
At baka pa makapuslit ang karamyaang umakit
Pwede bang hingin ka sa langit

Isang saglit, Isang tingin
Ba’t ngayon lang napansin
O anong ganda ako ba’y umiibig na?

Mundo ko’y umilaw
Biglang luminaw
Pangarap pala’y ikaw

Isang saglit, Isang tingin
Ba’t ngayon lang napansin
O anong ganda ako ba’y umiibig na?

Isang saglit, isang tingin
Ito ba’y nadarama mo rin?
Sana ako’y mahalin
Sana ako’y mahalin

I am "The Lovers"

2007-02-27T02:29:00.000+08:00

You are The Lovers

Motive, power, and action, arising from Inspiration and Impulse.

The Lovers represents intuition and inspiration. Very often a choice needs to be made.

Originally, this card was called just LOVE. And that's actually more apt than "Lovers." Love follows in this sequence of growth and maturity. And, coming after the Emperor, who is about control, it is a radical change in perspective. LOVE is a force that makes you choose and decide for reasons you often can't understand; it makes you surrender control to a higher power. And that is what this card is all about. Finding something or someone who is so much a part of yourself, so perfectly attuned to you and you to them, that you cannot, dare not resist. This card indicates that the you have or will come across a person, career, challenge or thing that you will fall in love with. You will know instinctively that you must have this, even if it means diverging from your chosen path. No matter the difficulties, without it you will never be complete.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

deleted...

2007-02-26T23:21:00.000+08:00

haha.. guess why?

lol...

patience is not my virtue... so if i am patient with you... consider it as a sacrifice...

Blink 182 will be my favorite punk rockers of all time

2007-02-18T22:26:00.000+08:00

I Miss You by Blink 182

Hello there the angel from my nightmare
The shadow in backround of the morgue
The unsespecting victim of darkness in the valley
We can live like Jack and Sally if we want
Where you can always find me
And we'll have Halloween on Christmas

And in the night we'll wish this never ends
We'll wish this never end

Where are you and I'm so sorry
I cannot sleep I cannot dream tonight
I need somebody and always
This sick strange darkness comes creeping on so haunting everytime
And as I stared I counted the webs from all the spiders catching things and eating their insides
Like indecision to call you And hear your voice of treason

Will you come home and stop this pain tonight, stop this pain tonight

Don't waste your time on me your already the voice inside my head

Reading my past...

2007-02-17T02:25:00.000+08:00

i read all the testimonials i have in my friendster account

just can't ignore it... people always see me as someone who is good in math... ganun na lang ba talaga ako? hehe. sana naman meron silang ibang maalala. oo, i won't deny it, i have loved math ever since i was a kid. first book ata na binuksan ko(hindi binasa ha, binuksan) is a math book. dun kasi nilagay ng mom ko ung hair ko after my first haircut nung baby pa ko. hehe. siyempre interested ako dun. that's that, math is the one thing i am sure that i am good at. pero siyempre, meron rin namang ibang bagay na magaling ako. saan? that's what i want to find out.

life is just weird. ok lang naman na ganun description niyo sa akin e... but i am not math... para maiba naman, pwede bang magpakatanga na lang muna ako sa math. hehe...

I need

2007-02-17T02:03:00.000+08:00

a life... something more than work... something more than what i have right now...

I NEED A F*CKING LIFE!!!

pero just so you know, di naman ako sad... nababanas lang dahil wala akong buhay...

hehe... kung tutuusin, masaya pa ako... so far...

When you are so high, you have nowhere else to go but down.

2007-02-16T01:17:00.000+08:00

bakit ganyan ang buhay? saya saya kahapon. tapos kaninang umaga, ang panget ng feeling. ang daming problema. problema na wala ako magagawa kung hindi maghintay.

nakakainis, nakakalungkot... pero wala ko magawa...

bakit ba ha?!? ano ba?

pero ganun talaga. hehe. so far, kaya pa naman. kaya pang kalimutan ng sandali. try ko na lang ayusin pag kaya ko nang harapin. hehe...

bakit kasi priority ang pamilya ko sa akin e... kainis...

A Smiling Valentines

2007-02-15T03:24:00.000+08:00

nothing much happened. my plan worked. made someone feel special today. the reaction... shocked...

hopefully it is a good kind of shock. pero di lang ata siya ung nashock e. meron din atang iba.

valentines is a day where you make someone feel special. i chose that someone to be you.

thank you. sobra... the day was worth it.

good luck...

and yes... as much as i tried to deny it, di na kaya... kasi... haaaaaaaaaaaay... i would forever remember today...

It's coming...

2007-02-13T03:45:00.000+08:00

The day I choose to end a relationship... sadly this might be the case. but well, there is no turning back now... i am just hoping for the best and preparing for the worst... I think the worst may come... pero malay mo... haha...

Really really tired from work... not enough sleep... wish there were 30hours a day para makayanan ko mabuhay ng matino even though I spend 15hours a day in the office... hehe...

Things come and go... I just have to accept it... When I decided this, it was expected. bahala na... haha... magpapakatotoo lang ako...

Sheelah, I WIN OUR BET... sure na un... hahaha...

Life... it is just so amazing and full of surprises... ang sarap mabuhay... and because of this... quitting smoking is now a must... it might take me a long(and when i say long, i really mean long) time...

Good luck na lang sa lahat...

Huh?

2007-02-02T02:34:00.000+08:00

hindi to pwede... hindi pa pwede... hindi talaga...

pero...

no... hindi pwede... sabing hindi e...

pero...

alam mo naman kung ano pwedeng mangyari di ba? so lumayo ka na... hindi kasi pwede...

pero... malay mo... hindi masama mangarap... la naman akong masamang intensyon a...

ikaw bahala... buhay mo yan...

buhay mo rin iyan...

basta ako, ang opinyon ko, hindi pwede...

kahit na matagal na tayong nagtatalo, laging ako ang nananalo... masaya ka naman di ba? kasi ako, masaya...

...

alam mo naman na hindi ako papayag na hindi tumuloy e...

...

pero umaasa ako na pag nagkamali ako, andyan ka pa rin

may magagawa pa ba ako e desidido ka na...

... tara, simulan na to... lam mo naman na hindi ako sapat, kelangan ko rin ang tulong mo...

(life is so simple... i just love making it complicated)

Bad Day

2007-01-30T23:07:00.000+08:00

Isn't it weird that after a "Cloud 9" entry would be an entry about a bad day. Well, that's life. Why would I tell something about an ordinary day. So blog entries(mine and so many more like me) would be about extraordinary things. But again, I still keep my blog to be about life, in general.

A bad day it starts and a bad day it ends. My quote of the day, "kung malas ka, malas ka"

I opted not to do OT work today. Ang malas ko ngayon e, ayoko mahaluan work ko ng kamalasan ko. hehe. feeling ko tuloy ang sama ko kanina sa mga nagtatanong sa akin.

Even though today was a short day compared to my other days (I overslept which means my day lasted shorter compared to other days), things still happened that caused my day to be one of the worst days of my life in the past 6months.

Hirap ikwento dito e. hehe. masyadong magulo at komplikado. masyadong weird that maski ako di ko na madistinguish ang totoo at ang gawa gawa lamang. hehe. labo no?

Anyways, I read the 5th beerkada book, and may I just say, astig na pinagraduate na sila at ang kwento ng beerkada would be about real life na. haha. Astig talaga. nakakarelate ako. lol.

Even though today isn't a day I wouldn't want to happen again, I will just say this...

Life sucks but I choose to live it...

In Cloud 9

2007-01-17T01:20:00.000+08:00

just happy... really happy... extremely happy... i really have nothing more to feel... hehe...

it was enough. la na ko ibang ma feel... hehe...

it was not magic, but well, it was something deeper. still looking for what it is... =)

pwede bang ngumiti na lang forever? hehe... thanks... =)

sorry kung parang kakaiba. ang tagal na rin kasi since nung huli... nalimutan ko na ata ng puso ko ang feeling... =D

and take note... it was not a dream... =D

Work Work

2007-01-09T02:37:00.000+08:00

Since January 2, everyday asa office ako. Since January 4, OT ako... hmm... mukhang nakakapagod to a. hehe...

I have just realized, to stay in this kind of work I would really love my work, which is true... hehe...

Hindi naman ako sobrang workaholic, gusto ko lang ung may ginagawa. hehe... and this is exactly the type of thing to do. haha.

Pero hanggang kelan ko kakayanin? i don't know... bahala na. hehehe... basta alam ko, I'm staying whether I like it or not. But right now, I love it. hehe.

Who would have thought...

2007-01-06T23:29:00.000+08:00

There is such a thing as "WAMAR INTERNATIONAL, INC."
eto website nila : http://www.cwamar.com/home.htm

angas ko no? meron ako sariling company... panis.... hahaha...

eto direct quote from the website:
"Wamar has earned the confidence of the world's decision makers. Our clients return to us year after year because we provide the solutions they need witht eh integrity they expect. We are trusted partners and colleagues. Since Wamar works at the highest levels within companies and governments on virtually all continents, we engage in only a select number of business arrangements each year. We believe it is vitally important to provide our clients with dedicated service to meet their needs. Personal attention, from strategy development through the selling process and beyond, is our hallmark. Furthermore, our world-class service continues beyond the each and every sale; Wamar takes great pride in helping ensure the ongoing success of our clients' products in all their applications."

palag?

It was just a dream.

2007-01-06T01:18:00.000+08:00

only a dream.

i dream of a girl,
the girl of my dreams.

i don't know who she is
or what she is like.

all i know is
that i will do anything to get to know her

the girl i dreamed of
is not just a dream

she came true for one day
and i'll do anything to go back to that day.

but alas, it was just a dream
only a dream.

Christmas is Over and a New Year is Coming...

2006-12-28T01:04:00.000+08:00

tapos na. yehey. balik sa normal na buhay. hehe...

dami natapos this year. dami ding simula. pero all in all, i like my odds for next year. most probably, 2007 will be better than 2006 in so many aspects.

dumadami na ulit friends ko. pero nagkakaroon din ng mga kaaway. meron ding mga tao na di ko na nakakausap. pero meron din namang mga taong nakakausap ko ulit. hehe.

nawawala na ang pagiging spontaneous ko. i am actually enjoying work. but well, work is work and the reason for work is to have the capacity to enjoy life. kaya, bawas work dagdag life? haha. soon. march would be the month of relief.

just to end this year, a realization...
"I am the boyfriend you never wanted and you are the girlfriend I'll never have..."